What do ya mean just leave him alone???

I don't know how many of you know this, but my husband has a problem. It's called L.A.H.S. In other words, he has Lazy Ass Husband Syndrome. Yes, tragic, I know.

He has suffered from it for quite some time, but recently has taken a turn for the worse. And of course, his worsened condition has caused me to develop N.B.W.D. Otherwise known as, Nagging Bitch Wife Disease.

So, last night, I call my oldest and dearest friend Kay. Now, Kay and I have a special friendship. We are both very self absorbed, you see, and will literally go months and months without contact. But when we do finally speak or hang out, it's like we haven't missed a beat. We both understand that our lives are very different and very busy, and so we have adjusted our relationship accordingly. She seriously knows me better than anyone. She will literally snatch the thoughts out of my head and take the words right out of my mouth.

Anyway, I explained my situation to her and was absolutely SHOCKED at the advise she gave me. She said, "Luna, ignore him. That little voice in your head that says nag, nag, nag, bitch, bitch, bitch...turn it off. Do what you gotta do, even if it means doing EVERYTHING all by yourself. And, here's the catch, don't bitch, complain, or accuse him of being lazy AT ALL."

And I'm all...WHAA???

She then added that seeing me do everything, without his help, and without bitching, complaining, or placing blame may just be the kick in the ass that he needs. She said it makes them wonder why you stopped nagging. It makes them feel good because you're leaving them alone, yet terrible because...well, because now you're leaving them alone. It's the reverse psychology way of making him say to himself, "Holy shit, she can do EVERYTHING. She doesn't need me at all, does she? Wow. I better get my ass in gear before she leaves."

She said to stop giving him a chance to redeem himself because I'm only setting myself up for disappointment. Instead, I should give myself a chance to prove that I don't need him as much as I think I do.

Ahh-haa...so now I'm starting to understand...

But, at first I thought she was crazy. I mean...I'm really effing tired all the time. I really do everything. It's just not fair. He lives here and makes a mess too, right? He can't even clean up after himself and I've had enough. We fight on a daily basis because of this. I'm sick of his lazy ass and he's sick of my nagging mouth. We just haven't gotten along and it's making me miserable. Is that really any way to live? But, on the other hand, how can I let this ruin an otherwise good relationship?

The more I though about it, the more I realized that maybe it was worth a shot. Obviously nagging and bitching and complaining isn't working. Would it really hurt to just lay off him for a while and see how he responds? So, I'm taking her advise. This is gonna be tough. I'm not one to keep my mouth shut.

So, today, I officially started Operation Just Shut The Fuck Up And Do It.

It went something like this:

When the kids cried that they were hungry and he was sitting on his ass watching tv and I was just about to get in the shower, I put my towels down and cooked for them. When he left his empty cereal bowl, dirty spoon, and empty box of cereal on the counter, I cleared it without saying a word. Oh, and his underwear that he leaves ALL OVER THE HOUSE, I picked up every pair without so much as an audible sigh. After work, I vacuumed. The kitchen is spotless. The dishwasher is empty. The stove is clean. The toys are off of the living room floor and put away. The kids are bathed. The sheets are changed. AND I managed to make dinner from scratch and bake a pan of brownies. I really do feel like fucking Super Woman! I've done more in the past 3 hours than I have done all week. Amazing.

This is going to be an interesting experiment. If nothing comes of it then at least I can say that it provided me with some blogging fodder...and a really, really clean house.

I'll keep you posted.